tekHedd – the blog

Welcome to eHarmony: welcome to cookie-cutter eHarmony profiles. If these profiles aren’t fake, well, then no wonder all of these women are single.

I don’t know what I did in my profile, but the evil robot inside eHarmony has decided that I should go out with women who love to go hiking and camping and want an adventurous guy who wants to share  those things. And of course, they all want somebody who is honest and sharing and all that, but come on who doesn’t? If the only thing you’re looking for in a man is that he’s honest, you’re admitting to having some serious trust issues. Seriously!

But it’s more than that, they’re all exactly the same! eHarmony tries to make poor writers more interesting by letting you check boxes for your good and bad qualities–have you noticed that everybody thinks they have the same good qualities? I would love to get my hands on the eHarmony database, not to do evil, but to do statistical analysis to see how many people think they are Easy-Going, Genuine, and Warm. While we’re at it, two of the three things you’re “most thankful for” will always be “Family” and “Health”, with good odds that the last slot will be some variation on “financial stability”, considering the economic situation.

Do I even need to comment on the pointlessness of the field “these are my three best life skills?” I would be willing to bet that you, the reader, are good at finding contentment and pleasure in simple things, and at maintaining a network of friends. Wow, what a deep insight into your character. I feel like I know you better already!

Just about the only useful information in the whole profile is “how you spend your leisure time”, and “additional information”.

Finally, and this is important, Ladies! Listen up! If the last book you read was “Eat, Pray, Love“, be aware that this is a self-help book for the recently separated, whose primary goal is to teach you that it’s OK be completely self-absorbed. Yes, yes, stop for a second… I know you’re reading it because a friend recommended it and you’re coping just fine and… can I finish here? I don’t care why you’re reading it, the point is that it looks bad. OK? Don’t blame me if guys (not me) assume you are coping badly with your recent divorce/breakup/etc, and are now going to be completely self-centered.

Also, it has been on the bestseller list for two years. Does revealing this information tell us *anything* about you except that all your friends have read the book already, and now one of them gave you their copy because, you know, it’s good, but it’s really not a keeper, you know what I mean, I’m not going to read it again, just throw it out when you’re done with it, OK?

eHarmony, the zero-information dating zone. Might as well just post a craigs ad saying “Warm, genuine SWF seeks LTR with similar guy, attach photo if you want me to read it looking forward to hearing from you!” It’s cheaper and will get you similar (no) responses from genuine, warm guys.

And then there’s this damn multi-threaded application bug

1) The first thing any tutorial should tell you about multi-threaded application development is this: there is virtually no way to test for or reproduce threading bugs. So, don’t use threads unless you really have to.

2) The second thing is that they should warn you about write reordering, even inside a lock. (So always use a lock, even if the variable is atomic, unless you’re darn sure order isn’t important.)

3) The third thing they should do is reiterate #1.

One of the questions on… I guess it’s eharmony, is “do you believe in soulmates?” I find it an interesting question. I’m sure it’s a lot deeper than they think it is, and I’m sure it is there because the founder is a serious evangelical Christian, but…

Soulmates is one of those things that makes me scoff. I mean, seriously, I grew up with my mother saying stupid things like “the girl for you is out there”. Well, I met the girl for me, she decided I was lying to her, and is happily (I hope) married to some other guy right now. I’ve also met three other girls, each of whom I am quite sure qualify as “the one and only.” And you’ll notice that I am on eharmony filling out forms. So, no, the one girl for me does not exist, and yet she does, several times over. It’s a stupid word.

And yet, somehow I still kind of believe in it. Soulmates is one of those things like Justice: if you stop believing in it, it goes away.

And while we’re on the subject, if any girls in Colorado are looking for a date with a truly awesome geek, I don’t know of any. But I’m available. See my Geek2Geek profile for details, or just if you’re looking to laugh at me or steal my identity.

My sister gave me the best present possible for my birthday: a subscription to the beer of the month club. Or one of them. The first month featured some frighteningly fake tasting flavored beer and two delightful beers from Buzzard Bay. Granted, the flavored beers are a bit tough to drink, but it’s still beer. And that’s what makes it the best gift ever. (The fact that Buzzard Bay makes truly awesome beer is not to be overlooked, though!)

And that got me thinking. I have here, next to the computer, you can’t see it but it’s there, I have a glass of Boddington’s. This is one of the finest things in the world, and as I sip it (somewhat large “sips”, these), I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude to my friends for introducing me to it. Over the years, one or two friends have introduced me to particularly special beers or breweries (Thanks Tim!), and for the rest of my life when I drink those beers I am grateful.

Yeah, it’s kinda weird. Too lame to be a blog post, too long to be a Twit. Such is life.