Kindle, it’s not just a book. But is it Treason?

April 12th, 2011

I won’t buy a Kindle because Orson Scott Card is a big bully.

Kindles are supposed to be so much more than a book. Web browsing, messaging, and most notably updated annotations from the author, embedded advertising, and of course Amazon can delete any book at any time remotely. Sure, you can’t really loan your books out, not the good ones. But it’s so much more than a book!

Which is why I don’t own one. I really just want a book. Don’t get me wrong, I really want a Kindle, too. But, I also want control, and the two are mutually exclusive. This attitude really springs from a single experience where a book was taken from me by the ultimate bully: the author.

I used to have a copy of “A Planet Called Treason” by Orson Scott Card. I really liked it. It was a bit abstract, but also quite powerful. Eventually, as will happen with books, it fell apart and I wanted a replacement copy. When I went to buy a replacement copy, the book had been ruined by the author, and the original was no longer available. Orson didn’t just fix a few typos and add a paragraph, he completely rewrote the book, or as his web site puts it:

Treason represents a thorough, page-by-page reworking of A Planet Called Treason. Almost ten percent of it is completely original.

It changed so much that he had to rename it and sell it as a different book. Well, I bought and read it, and it’s not all that. The simple fact is that Orson Scott Card’s writing really went downhill at about the same time that he started letting fans download and read early versions of his books and tell him what to write. (On Compuserve! How cutting edge!)

As you would imagine, the author no longer wants copies of the original unrevised book sold. So they are not. Lest you think this is an isolated incident, I’d like to point out the Star Wars Special Editions, the only edition now available unless you have an ancient VHS copy. I guess some artists lose their artistic vision later in life and are then compelled to ruin their earlier masterpieces, perhaps as a form of revenge against a cruel life where inspiration, like youth, is a fleeting thing.

Kindle opens the door for this nightmare future, where you can lose books you’ve purchased even though you didn’t loan them out. Heck, you *can’t* loan them out, and they don’t wear out. But, you can still lose your favorite book, if it gets “revised” by the author. And this is a “service,” a big advantage to you, the book’s licensee. Because it is an e-book controlled by the publisher, you do not have control over the book, you don’t even have the right to read the original version any more.

Does Kindle work this way now? No, but it could.

For a list of other ways in which technology has failed to improve your quality of life, press 2.

COEXIST — Seriously?

April 11th, 2011

I like funny bumper stickers as much as the next guy. Which is to say, I enjoy the joke the first time I see a new one. And after that, not so much. But one bumper sticker I’ve been seeing lately continues to be funny no matter how many times I see it. It’s popular, apparently, among people who have never studied religion:

COEXIST

Wishful Thinking

That’s right, the COEXIST sticker. Here, posted without permission, is one of many nearly-identical-yet-copyrighted variations.

What’s wrong with this picture? For a start, you have a bisexual “e”, a letter I always thought was about as straight as they come, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You can’t trust the alphabet, as I always say. “OEXIS” is mostly composed of religions that have a record of tolerating other religions.

But of course the beginning and end are two ancient enemies, the crescent and the cross. Only distance is preventing a harsh confrontation there. And their animosity doesn’t stop with their rivalry. Hippies (O) and bisexuals (E) are all that prevent the C from murdering the X and taking its land, and you just know T is horrified at the presence of the “satanic” dot on I. S practices ungodly meditation that can pull you from your faith, and both C and T would gladly gang up on E and stone it to death for its perversion.

I’m surprised these bumper stickers don’t spontaneously combust.

Hands That Help: the National Day Of Stoning

April 5th, 2011

True Christians throughout the USA are fighting to restore the (some say) unconstitutional and divisive National Day of Prayer as an official, state-sponsored event. I have a suggestion how they can do one better, and “step it up a notch.”

Lately, atheist groups have been using underhanded tactics like lawsuits and Constitutional law to suppress government endorsement of prayer. A perfect example of this is the now-illegal National Day of Prayer, championed by Billy Graham during the cold war, on which we are encouraged to pray to God. (To the Christian one, of course. Why pray to a God who doesn’t exist, right?) The goal of this prayer is to strengthen our faith and our communities. Evil atheists have taken it from us; damn those activist founding fathers and their anti-Christian, so-called “secular” Constitution! Sure, the government is supposed to be neutral, but I don’t see why that should prevent the government from favoring some religions over others.

Well, some good people are fighting to get the day of prayer back. Their intentions are good, but their faith is weak, and their goals unambitious. I say hands that help are better than lips that pray. You make your community better in a measurable, material way: stoning!

A National Day of Stoning

May 7, 2011 is the second annual National Day of Stoning. Yesterday you defied our secular, Islamist government by praying loudly to Jesus in public. Today, it’s time to do good, locally. It’s time to demonstrate your patriotism. It’s time to stone heretics and heathens.

It’s an ancient tradition. Honor killings have been practiced for centuries to strengthen and purify communities. Stoning unbelievers completely to death is optional, but going “all the way” does prove your piety and discourage retribution. I discourage honor killing, because it is illegal–for now–and we should all obey the law (unless your church leaders say it is OK to break it). But who can blame you if you get carried away! It’s such a great feeling to loft a nice big ornamental stone, confident in the knowledge that you’re not the one being stoned.

Some might say that a Day of Stoning is unfair to atheists, or that it favors religions that promote stoning over those that do not. Don’t be ridiculous! Most major religions support stoning (read your Bible!). Anyway, it’s only just the one day. You still have 364 days of godless constitutional law and equality. Even if it was every day, it’s not a violation of anybody’s rights, because you don’t have to participate if you’re not religious. Just leave the country.

That’s all for now. I’m heading to the garden center to shop for rocks!