Hands That Help: the National Day Of Stoning
True Christians throughout the USA are fighting to restore the (some say) unconstitutional and divisive National Day of Prayer as an official, state-sponsored event. I have a suggestion how they can do one better, and “step it up a notch.”
Lately, atheist groups have been using underhanded tactics like lawsuits and Constitutional law to suppress government endorsement of prayer. A perfect example of this is the now-illegal National Day of Prayer, championed by Billy Graham during the cold war, on which we are encouraged to pray to God. (To the Christian one, of course. Why pray to a God who doesn’t exist, right?) The goal of this prayer is to strengthen our faith and our communities. Evil atheists have taken it from us; damn those activist founding fathers and their anti-Christian, so-called “secular” Constitution! Sure, the government is supposed to be neutral, but I don’t see why that should prevent the government from favoring some religions over others.
Well, some good people are fighting to get the day of prayer back. Their intentions are good, but their faith is weak, and their goals unambitious. I say hands that help are better than lips that pray. You make your community better in a measurable, material way: stoning!
A National Day of Stoning
May 7, 2011 is the second annual National Day of Stoning. Yesterday you defied our secular, Islamist government by praying loudly to Jesus in public. Today, it’s time to do good, locally. It’s time to demonstrate your patriotism. It’s time to stone heretics and heathens.
It’s an ancient tradition. Honor killings have been practiced for centuries to strengthen and purify communities. Stoning unbelievers completely to death is optional, but going “all the way” does prove your piety and discourage retribution. I discourage honor killing, because it is illegal–for now–and we should all obey the law (unless your church leaders say it is OK to break it). But who can blame you if you get carried away! It’s such a great feeling to loft a nice big ornamental stone, confident in the knowledge that you’re not the one being stoned.
Some might say that a Day of Stoning is unfair to atheists, or that it favors religions that promote stoning over those that do not. Don’t be ridiculous! Most major religions support stoning (read your Bible!). Anyway, it’s only just the one day. You still have 364 days of godless constitutional law and equality. Even if it was every day, it’s not a violation of anybody’s rights, because you don’t have to participate if you’re not religious. Just leave the country.
That’s all for now. I’m heading to the garden center to shop for rocks!
April 9th, 2011 at 2:11 pm
May 7 – Lusitania Day. Although topedoes were used in lieu of stones.
May 2nd, 2012 at 11:26 pm
[…] stoning? As I said on last year’s day of prayer: Yesterday you defied our secular, Islamist government by praying loudly to Jesus in public. Today, […]