Horrid life lessons learned from dating
Some handy rules of thumb for dating, based on RL relationship outcomes. These are intended just as a quick reference when thinking “am I crazy?” and are not hard rules. YMMV. Share and enjoy.
(tekHedd’s dating rules are gendered because they are from his perspective, and while he now goes by “they” becuase it’s just plain easier to remember, he’s technically male when trying to have sex, and is just trying to remove the pressure on you to remember at all. Like, for example, he’s he right now because this paragraph is tangentially related to dating, which for some people involves gender and sometimes, even, sex. But he digresses. Swap pronouns to taste.)
tekhedd’s rule of historical precedent
- If she’d do it to him, she’d do it to you.
Example: she had a previous boyfriend. When she met you, she continued to date him while dating you, until she was sure she wanted to be with you, then broke up with him. She will do the same or worse to you.
tekhedd’s special rule of historical precedent
- If she’d do it to you, she’d do it to you, again.
Generally self-explanatory, but hard to remember when you’re feeling all lovey dovey. It’s not easy for a person to change.
The imagined love trap
- Just because she thinks she loves you doesn’t mean she actually loves you.
Some people just be crazy. Narcissists and stalkers in particular tend to display this behavior. They are awful to you, but think this abuse is “love.” And then they get angry when you leave.
The true love trap
- Just because she genuinely loves you doesn’t mean she’s good for you.
Sometimes you can be genuinely compatible with someone who really loves you, but that person is evil, broken, or otherwise unhealthy for you. But usually it’s fine for them, so they won’t want you to leave.
Where’d she go?
- Just because she genuinely loves you doesn’t mean she won’t drop you like last week’s meme. And possibly ghost you.
Bonus: she might, later, start acting like you are totally friends and nothing happened. She will have a good reason and be totally surprised that you were hurt at all.
If it feels like you’ve been ghosted, ghost back. If you’re afraid to ask a friend or tell your therapist because embarrassed, it’s probably time to talk to a friend or your therapist.
