Easter is coming, and Christians know what that means. You get to hear the story of how Jesus made a huge, miraculous sacrifice for us. Again. With lots of songs, a long sermon (if you’re lucky, you have a preacher who makes interesting ethical points instead of just using the canned sermon from his weekly recommendations newsletter), and afterwards, bad coffee.
Jesus has a really bad day
I haven’t been to an Easter service in many years, and still the story is branded into my brain. A brand is really a scar; over time that scar has been fading and healing somewhat, as scars do. Now that I’m less focused on ignoring the repetition and have examined it more objectively, I’ve had some new thoughts. (Oh no, not thoughts!) In particular, there is a huge contradiction between “great sacrifice” and “miraculous resurrection.”
Based on the story I was told, I don’t think Jesus really sacrificed anything. I was taught, year after year, that he knew in advance that he would be alive again after three days. This is carefully pointed out to us as part of the Easter story, to make sure we all know he prophesied the event. So, according to the story, Jesus knew he would not be dead for long. Sure he was afraid of a little pain, but it’s to save all people, forever. Right? So, a day of terrible pain, three days dead (in hell or not depending on whether you believe in hell), and then bam he’s in heaven ruling creation on the right hand of god. What an awesome miracle! And a great sacrifice?
As it’s portrayed in the story, no, it’s not a great sacrifice really. But it would be, if we were being told the grown-up version of the story! It’s the Little Red Riding Hood Effect.
Once upon a time, there was a story about a little girl in a hood. In this story, Hoodie Girl unwisely talked to strangers, and then her grandmother unwisely opened the door to strangers, and they were both horribly eaten up. This story is supposed to frighten little children thereby teaching an important lesson about walking alone at night and talking to strangers. The story is violent and tragic; fortunately for weak-willed parents, there is a “preschool” version of the story where a woodcutter arrives “just in time” to save Hoodie Girl. There is also a “wussie preschool” version, in which the woodcutter even arrives in time to save grandma.
In softening the story to make it less scary, some of the strength of the warning message is lost.
What if the Gospels of Jesus Christ are the “wussie preschool” version of his story? What if in the real, adult version of the story, Jesus, God’s son, is tortured to death? And what if that’s the end of the story? Now that is what I call a sacrifice. This whole “oh but he’s not really dead, in three days he comes back” thing sounds a bit tacked-on, like the woodcutter bursting in and cutting grandma out of the wolf’s belly, whereupon she is completely OK and has learned a valuable lesson! “Oh no, the children are going to cry, I’d better think quick!”
If you must live your life based on the advice in an ancient fairy tale, you could at least use the grown-up version.
Watch for my new book “Jesus’s Really Bad Day” based on a true story! I’m also working on a new book about a little girl with a red hoodie who is chased through the neighborhood and shot by the neighborhood watch, except that a brave woodcutter arrives just in time. I’m still working on it.
